Cooler:Coola than Ever
by Kai Bahamut
Summary: A slight AU fic starring Cooler, the brother of Frieza. Cooler is given a chance to change his fate, but it will mean giving up much. Will he agree to the terms and if so, what will happen to his body?
1. Beating down the Doore

_**Chapter 1: Ode to Ouchies**_

Disclaimer: Nothing but my but my OC's belong to me. Everything else belongs to whoever owns them. So please don't sue because I don't have any money. Never sue poor people.

Lord Cooler slowly paced the halls of his grand ship. Not long ago he had received a transmission detailing his brother's demise at the hands of a "saiyan" who now currently resides on earth. He would know make him pay with all the blood in his body for the dishonor of his family. "I hope you haven't gotten too attached to your planet you dammed monkey." He said as if the wretched beast of a man could hear him. "Because soon it will be little more worth little more than a pile of…" "SHIT!" He turned quickly to see one of his elite fighters, Doore, in HIS personal pod coming at top speed towards him. He had no time to react he was hit most violently in his head. He collapsed to the floor bleeding like a blood bank after a robbery. Doore screeched to a halt and slowly turned hoping beyond hope that he hadn't run over who he thought he had. As Neizu and Sauzer caught up he knew he was going to catch hell for this…

"Doore, you imbecile! Do you realize what you have done!" Sauzer had been yelling at poor Doore for at least 20 minutes now. At one point he even made up words but even they failed to convey his rage. "Well you jagoerin boopwuer what do you have to say for you self!" Doore just sort of looked at his feet and mumbled "sorry…" Sauzer did not hear this and continued to flay him. "Our lord is in there severely injured because of your rampart stupidness! For you crime I will kill you with the fury of a thousand supernova's!" Doore began to open his mouth put Sauzers fist found its way in instead. "Number 1!"

In his personal healing tank Cooler float, at least to any outside observer, like a baby. A very tall baby yes, but like one regardless. But inside things werenot aspeaceful as they were appeared.For Cooler's mindwas somewhere unknown to him."This had better not be the inside of my head." He said to himself as he floated in the inky blackness. "Am I dead or in a coma or…." He pondered to himself for a second. "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!" And out of the silence drifted a voice that barley above a whisper. "You're almost right" He quickly looked around himself for the source of it but saw nothing. "What is the meaning of this!" He demanded. "Simple. You are seeing what is to be your existence after you die. You are near death right now." Cooler continued to search. " I guessed that, but what do you want of me?" "Its want I want for you" the voice responded back. "Well what then." He snapped back as his patience began to erode. "I am offering you power, companionship and maybe…" its voice trailed off. "You've caught my interest with the first item, the others interest me not. But before we continue what is your name or do you have one." After a brief silence it came back simply "I… don't have one" "Fine, Fine now tell me how I get this power." "All you must do is accept it and its consequences." "Which are…?" Cooler inquired. "You will become a force for the light but you will not inhabit your body andnever see peace in your sleep." "WHAT! You're a loony if you think I will give up who I am to get stronger. I am already the lord of the galaxy. I need nothing more." He turned away as best he could considering he didn't know were the voice was from. "You will die if you do not accept." "Fine. This inky blackness isn't that bad." "No. You will recover and head to earth. There you will die fighting the one who killed your brother and burned alive in the fires of a star. Then you will come back and killed yet again by him. Then you will return here and stay. I have seen what happens. Hell is not fire but darkness." He considered this for a moment and looked over his shoulder. "Ok, and if I accept, then what?" "Then you will have peace." "And I to do thisall i must dois become something that I will never be." He almost swore that the darkness around him began to flow and then just as soon stopped. "Then I propose this. I will let you watch and feel as the one palnned to use your body uses it for a while. You will feel what it is like to give rather than take." The voice paused to let the wordssink in."If you do not like it then you may keep your power and you will never hear of me again."Cooler closed his eyes and thought for a second."You have a deal." He knew he could not get a better deal. He had outsmarted the voice and that made him very happy. As heapplauded himself in his headfrom the void the darkness began to flow as the "sides" began to climb up and the "middle" began to move downwards.

Meanwhile the medics scurried around keeping check on Cooler's vitals and other medical things pertaining to healing pods and head wounds. "Pressure ok, wait his body seems to be growing at an amazing rate." The others ran to the console to look at the readings then as they heard metal begin to tear they looked towards his pod. He was indeed growing and his body could no longer fit in his personal and perfectly sized pod

They scurried about to open the pod but an outburst of energy from their subject cut that short. "Lord Cooler! Are you alright!" One of the technicians ran over to his master side and as he began to try and stand him up he was shocked by his transformation. (He's exactly as he is when he transformed in the movie.) "Uhhh… Yeah my head just hurts, thanks for your help." The techie nearly dropped him then and there. He gave no one thanks for there work or help. He barely _acknowledged_ there existence or work. Cooler took a few tentative steps to the amazement of the med crew. "My lord you are still not well…" As another of their number rushed to lead him somewhere to sit. He sat him on their examination bed. "Ow, thanks, what happened and why do you keep calling me lord? I mean were all friends here aren't we?" They were all too stunned to speak. Just then repair and a group of EMT's showed up. Cooler greeted them heartily "Hello there. We were just sitting down. Why don't you join us." After much ado about there master's odd behavior they eventually decided it was a change for the better. "Hey." One of the repairman spoke up "Its time for lunch ain't it." "Sure is." One of the EMT's confirmed. Cooler heard this and his face as best it could with the thing in front of his mouth beamed. "Yeah, let's get going cause im hungry too." There was silence until one repair man spoke up. "What to you want to tell your chefs to cook for you?" Cooler shook his head "No thanks im hungry now ill go with you guys to where ever you're going." "Uh, well… ok." One of the techs supported Cooler (same one) while the rest set things up for their absence. Once they were done they all set off for the cafeteria.

The revived and reborn Cooler attempted to make small talk with his companions but they were still scared. Their lord had hardly gave a damn what happened to them before now he was polite and cheerful. His new state did little to calm their fears. They thought at any moment he would return to his old self or worse go insane and kill them. So they were rather quiet.The purple giant had been trying to break the ice by telling joke's. "So the giraffe said…" A loud thumping sound interrupted his joke. Cooler stopped rattling to listen to the sound. "Uh sire are you ok?" "Listen." Cooler said quietly. Another jarring thump was heard and felt. "Stay here I'll go check." Cooler walked off on unsure legs to the source of the noise.

"Number 487!" Sauzer kicked Doore, who had lost consciousness around number 247 into the wall. "Number 488!" Yelled Neizu, who had joined in around number 70, as he peeled doore of the wall then slammed his face into his knee and held him for sauzers next move. Sauzer ran forward and jump kicked towards the propped up doore. To his shock he grabbed in mid-air andthrown to the ground by a 7 foot-tall monster. "Dammed beast. You will not prevent Doore's punishment." From his position he shifted his body into a powerful sweep kick Cooler pulled up his legs to dodge and then kicked one out sending him skidding down the hall. Neizu dropped his victim and moved to his friend's aid by striking out at his assailant. Cooler merely dropped to the floor letting Neizu strike air and then knocked him away with his tail. "Now what's going…?" He was rudely interrupted by a large energy blast from Sauzer who moved in and began to work his opponent's body. He charged energy in his hand for his ultimate move The Sauzer Blade! (Trademarked by Sauzer.) He prepared to shove it into his foe's chest. Cooler dodged and phased behind him, and being thoroughly angry now grabbed him from behind and power slammed him. "Ok then, can someone tell me…?" Suddenly purple electricity began to surround his body. It didn't hurt at all and he took his time to find the source. He turned and saw it was Neizu and looked him straight in the eye. He wisely decided to put his hands up.

"My lord, what were you doing to this poor man?" Cooler asked in distress at the sight of the battered and maimed Doore. Weakly Neizu told him that they did it to revenge their lord's wounds. Cooler called over the EMT's and the technicians to grab Doore and get him to the pods. In their rush to get to the wounded Doore they stepped on Sauzer a few times stirring him from his unconsciousness. "Ill kill the bastard that did this." He swore to him self. It was in vain because he could not move. Cooler began to explain what had happened in the healing pod with much help frpmthe crewmansupporting him. Neizu begged forgiveness from the new Cooler andbeggedhim not to kill him,instead of death sent to his room until, in his master's words "until you've made some noodles and raised a barn." He obeyed his master with some consternation over his behavior. "Well that's done. Let's hurry over to eat before it gets too late." Cooler proclaimed wearily. "What about Sauzer, sir?" Asked one of the EMT's He scratched his head and thought for a second. "Patch him up then send him to his room, he's grounded too." As he went off one of the other crewman looked to another coworkerand asked him. "What in the hell is grounding?"


	2. The Adamandtium Chef

_**Chapter 2: The Adamantium Chef**_

"So who were those guys?" Cooler asked the one who had supported him when he had gotten out. "They were your elite troop's sir." The new Cooler finally had had enough of this "sir", "sire" and "master" stuff so he decided to stop it right now. "Ok then, but what's your name good fellow." "Remora." Cooler stopped and held his hand out. "It's nice to meet you Remora." Remora hesitated then shook his hand. "Now that we've been introduced we don't need to do that sir crap anymore." The young med lab technician was very surprised by this. "But…but why don't you want to be addressed like that?" Because im not that much better than you or anybody else on this ship." "But you're in command here." Remora explained to him. "You tell everyone what to do. Not only that but you are one of the most powerful beings in the universe." His new friend just gave him a strange look. "So what? I still don't deserve to be treated with respect until I earn it. So what if im powerful and I run a ship. Im just now finding this out. Besides you know more about medicine that I do that makes you better than me in that way and I respect that. Everybody has an advantage over everybody in some way. So I treat all people as equals to me and expect the same." Remora nodded his head. Cooler and Remora then continued their journey to the cafeteria.

"_You're not serious about letting this oaf use my body are you?" "I most certainly am." Ever since the new Cooler had awoken the old and true Cooler watched from either a pocket dimension of pure darkness or the depths of his own mind. He was not sure which and the voice would not answer that question. "I think he's a fool. He has power. Why does he not embraceit? Why does he not use it to fulfill his needs and wants and realize his dreams?"_

"_Power is not happiness." He had noticed that the voice was straight and to the point. It irked him some but there was nothing he could do. At one point out of boredom he had attempted to fire an energy blast but it had failed. Arguing would do him no good so he watched with the voice through a hole in the darkness though which they heard and saw everything he did and Cooler even felt what his false self felt. He was disgusted. He was simple and feeble minded, made weak by his emotions. He hoped that some amongst the crew would kill him. He realized it was his body but he didn't care. He was unworthy of his power._

The ship's cafeteria was loud place. At least right up to the moment their lord & master Cooler walked in. Even then it was a loud stunned silence. "Uhhhh… Hi don't mind me, really im just here to have lunch." Cooler spoke up in an attempt to break the now extremely awkward silence. Everybody slowly, carefully and quietly returned to eating and a few of the bolder ones back to their conversations. He and Remora waited in line. Cooler rambled about how messy the place was but Remora was too busy feeling like everybody was watching Cooler and him possibly by extension. He was not use to this kind of attention. It made him nervous and uncomfortable. It felt like every person in the room was looking at his every movement and twitch of his body.

Cooler finally got his tray and was very happy to receive it. He looked to see what he was enjoying this day and was quite disappointed. His plate along with everyone else's was a then slice of meat, a bowl of weak soup and an unknown (to him) fluid. "Is this what everyone here eats?" The chef gave him a critical eye and said. "Yeah. All we got." He turned to the people behind him. "Do you eat this stuff every day?" They all nodded in near unison. He gave his tray to the Remora and jumped over the counter and made a dash for the kitchen while yelling "Its time to make some soup!" Remora just shook his head and went out to find a place to sit.

The other chefs watched in utter amazement and confusion. He had first scurried about the kitchen seeing what there was to cook with and being disappointed with what he found questioned the head chef "Where do you keep the good stuff." "In the back but that's only for the officers." Coolers brow furrowed for a moment then unfurled and his eyes brightened. "Not anymore." He said as he cheerfully made his way to the back. Fresh meat, fruit, bread and vegetables were stored within. He came out with a big armful of apparently what he had been able to grab. "There's plenty for everyone in their. Now break it out and start cooking for tomorrow." He paused for a little dramatic flair. "For tomorrow my men shall eat like men!" He proclaimed while doing a (in theory) cool and dramatic pose. Then he put on an apron and began cutting vegetables. There was a brief silence until the head chef spoke up. "Well what do you want us to make?" Cooler just stood there chopping away at his veggies and without looking up replied. "I haven't thought that far ahead yet."

Whilst Cooler began his holy crusade of soup,Sauzer was busy thinking. (There was precious little else to do in a regen pod anyway.) He was thinking of how best to get his revenge. "_That beast is too strong for me and Neizu alone to destroy, but not too strong if I were to gather allies to strike him down." _As soon as he got out he would confer with Neizu to see who he could gather. His eyes floated lazily to a timer outside his pod and saw he still had about an hour and fifteen minutes left. He planned the details of his assignation plot whilst he waited to be let out.

"_What the hell is he doing?" Cooler was thoroughly annoyed by his doppelganger's actions. That food was for the crews that weren't complete worms. "I can't believe he's giving the non-officers the officer's food. Its there's for a good reason." "And that is?" Cooler craned his head. His mysterious benefactor was speaking up again. Most times he rambled to himself, not entirely sure he/she/it could hear him. He assumed it could and told it exactly what he felt during those rants. "The only people I promote that far up are the ones who deserve it. The strong, the smart, they are only ones that are superior to the other crew members get that far. They get good food so that they may serve me well. If they fail too many times I knock there asses right back down." "Then serving everyone else poor food defeats your logic." "How? The good truly good ones will excel regardless of food, lodgings or whatever they receive." "If you feed and house them properly they will all work better regardless." Cooler face turned into a frown. "That may be true but in the end only those worthy of such luxuries will receive them. Or if they are truly worthy will take them by whatever means. For everyone else it's a waste of money and resources." And with that Cooler once again turned to the "view screen" as he had come to call it and watch his doppler knead some bread._

"…and we add a few shakes of salt… There!" Cooler took a few steps back and admired his handiwork. They said that he couldn't make food for everyone by himself and true, until 11 pm he had the normal food staff to assist him. But he dismissed them so they could get some sleep. It was now 4 am and Cooler had been going mostly on a delicious red striped candy. "Tomorrow the crew will eat as they should. They shall finally enjoy some decent food. Instead of that weird shit the bastard who used to run this place fed them." The irony of the statement was not lost on Cooler. During the periods which he had stuff cooking and nothing else to do he read up on the rules and policies. Many of them were unnecessarily strict and overall very draconian. He had also read of what he was like before the accident. He couldn't believe what he had readabout hwo he treated the crew. (Or how short and skinny hehad look)When hadRemora came for him at about one he asked him if he reallyhad beenlike that. After he said yes he worked double time to get the food ready ignoring Remora's attempts to make him go to bed. (Though he really needed to go to bed he had to make food. His friend was serious however. He returned a half-hour later with a bunch of big, tough looking men, but he had chased them off with a loaf of bread and a frozen mammal. They probably thought he was crazy but at least they haven't bothered him since.) Now that the massive meal was finished his thoughts turned of what to do as far as sleep for that night. He didn't know the way to his own bedroom so he was in a fix. "I know!" he spoke aloud to himself "Ill just use good old American know-how." He stopped for a second. "Wait, what's an American?" He thought it over while he made himself a place to sleep. He ran to the apron rack and took as many as he could. He cleared himself a space to sleep on part of a long bar. He used the aprons to create an improvised bed with a two-layer "mattress"; several aprons rolled up tightly became pillows while his apron and another big one became his sheet. He quickly drifted off and hoped to dream of a little elf guy with a sword running around grabbing little triangles. He giggled at the thought of it as he conked out.

"_Hey where's my elf?" Cooler said as he walked through the halls of the ship. An unknown but sickening scent entered his nostrils. "God that stinks." He muttered as he went to the source of the smell in hopes of cleaning it up. He rounded the corner and saw the first of many things that would be etched in his mind for a long, long time. He saw in the hall bodies so fresh there life blood still leaked of them. And he looked further down the hall and saw arcs of lightning He ran towards the lighting and tried to find its source ignoring as best he could the pain of it until he reached its origin. "It's an engine core." He moaned aloud as his body flooded with lightning. Then he saw the core begin to split open with a deathly light. Fortune smiled on Cooler though. It only hurt for the first half-second as the explosion burned away his skin and nerves._

**To Danrilor and Raven 151: Thank you for reviewing. I expected my chances of getting a review so quick were equal to being hit by a piece of a passing 747. Now I hope my chances are equal to winning the lottery so I can pay the medical bills. **

**See you next chapter.**


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